Acquiring Happiness

I’ll ask for forgiveness upfront because this post isn’t about the science influence. It’s about an exploration of feelings which do influence our choices but this is based solely on a recent experience of mine.

Our daughter, Abigail, got her temporary driver’s permit in early August and will get her driver’s license in December. The game plan has been to keep my 1998 Pontiac Grand Prix in good working order – despite rust – so we could give it to her when she was old enough. She’s been a very good, responsible kid and we think she’ll continue that pattern behind the wheel.

This summer Jane and Abigail started looking at cars in anticipation of me giving Abigail my car. Not too long ago they came across two really nice vehicles; a 2008 Buick Lacrosse and a 2008 Pontiac Grand Prix. Both were very nice cars and after some online research I felt both were about the best deal I’d get locally. Jane’s heart was set on the Buick but I favored the Grand Prix. The dilemma was that each had attributes the other didn’t. Bottom line; if I wanted the big car luxury feel the Lacrosse was the way to go but if I was looking for a sporty, powerful car then the Grand Prix was the right choice.

I settled on the Grand Prix, much to Jane’s dismay, and without going into all the details I’ll tell you two big factors were that I’d had so much good luck with my first Grand Prix and the 2008 Grand Prix had 16,000 fewer miles than the Buick.

I think I’m a pretty simple guy because I really don’t want for much. I could have continued driving my old car and been content with it for quite a few more years. Jane and I have lived in the same home for more than 20 years and are very happy. Many things that were original in our home were fine by me but, like many people, once Jane made changes to the house I really liked our home even more. In a similar way, I drove a newer vehicle all of a sudden I felt myself wanting it.

Getting a new car was fun but it was a tiring process. It wasn’t just the warm August day that had me tired later on, it was the decision making process, spending a good bit of money, and knowing my choice wasn’t the one Jane wanted. In her defense she was very gracious and told me multiple times she wanted me to get what I wanted because I’d be the one driving it.

So why didn’t I feel more excited when I left the lot in my new car? Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy driving the car! However, I was conscious of the fact that I wasn’t really excited, or at least wasn’t as nearly excited as I thought I’d be.

I know I was more conscious of all of these feelings because I happened to be reading a book called Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. Happiness is a subject I wrote about a while ago in a post titled The Secret to Happiness.

Here was the strange thing, the thing that really made me happy that day. We happened to be celebrating Abigail’s “Special Day” when I closed the deal on the car. Her special day is a random day once a year where I take the day off and Jane and I give Abigail breakfast in bed, some gifts and then do some of her favorite activities. It was unplanned that I’d end up getting a car on this day but because it worked out I was able to tell Abigail my old car was now her car on one of her favorite days of the year.

Here’s what truly made me happy that day; Abigail’s Facebook post said, “Well, since my dad got a new car today, i get his old one! Sooo i have a car now! (: woo hoo”. It would have been easy for her to look at my new car then the one she’s getting and feel some discontentment, but she didn’t. I knew she genuinely appreciated getting the old car and for some reason, even after getting a new car my joy was because I made her happy. The Lord was right when he said, “Tis better to give than receive.”

Here’s the really cool thing; we can all be a little happier if we look to give to others. I write about influence and persuasion so I must point out that giving engages reciprocity, the principle of persuasion that tells us those you give to will feel some obligation to give back to you at some point in time. But that aside, the feeling you get having made someone happy, especially someone you love, is more than enough return. There’s no “thing” my daughter could give me that I couldn’t go out and buy myself but you can’t buy happiness and even if you could, it would be more expensive than any of us can afford.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influence Tips for Running a Restaurant - Part 4

This is the final post in what turned out to be a four-part series on ways restaurants can ethically engage customers using the principles of influence to create win-win situations.

If you’re reading this and you happen to be a server at a restaurant then pay attention closely because what I’m going to share next is something you’ll want to avoid. Customers always ask about different dishes such as, “How’s the fish?” All too often servers talk about how much they like the particular dish. The server will say something like, “It’s one of my favorites” or “I love it.” That’s a mistake because we all have different tastes. While both statements may be true, if the customer happens to not like it the recommendation it’s tied back to the server and that could hurt tips.

The better response would be to engage consensus because people generally look to others to see if they’re making the right decision. The response I’d suggest would be, “It’s one of our customer’s favorites” or “Several people have already had it today and said it’s delicious.” Those responses engage the principle of consensus and deflect some criticism just in case the customer doesn’t like the food.

Here’s another tip for servers. The liking principle tells us people like to do business with people they like. The more a server can get customers to like them the better the odds that they’ll be tipped favorably. Beyond saying, “I’m Sally and I’ll be waiting on you today,” try asking customers their names. I’ll never forget Ryan, a bartender at Friday’s, when I made a trip to Nashville many years ago. When he came to take my order he introduced himself, asked my name and shook my hand during this quick exchange. Each time he came by to check on me he used my name. “How’s your food, Brian?” “Would you like another beer, Brian?” “So what brings you to Nashville, Brian?” After a while I felt like a friend was waiting on me. Needless to say, he got a very nice tip.

Little things can go a long way. The smart server is the observant person who can also find similarities and raise them to the surface. If the server connects on mutual interests, hometown, sports, similar names, etc., then liking is engaged and odds are the customer will enjoy the dining experience more.

Another tactic that engages liking is to look for things to genuinely compliment. Abraham Lincoln was right when he said, “Everyone loves a compliment.” Find something worthy of a compliment, raise it to the surface and the customer will feel good. Those good feelings are then associated with the server and restaurant which is a win for everyone.

And the nice thing about all of this is the server will like the people he or she waits on. After all, if the server finds things they have in common with customers and notices things worthy of compliments they convince themselves the customers are good, likable people. As customers sense their server really enjoys waiting on them they feel better, too, and everyone wins.

I’m sure there are more things restaurants can do but simply incorporating the suggestions I’ve made over this series of posts can make a very positive difference to the bottom line because customers will be more engaged and enjoy their dining experience even more. And the best part, as I shared at the start of this series, it costs almost nothing to do what I’ve been describing.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influencers from Around the World - The Determination of the Illusionist

This month's Influencers from Around the World article is from Yago de Marta. If you've been a reader of Influence PEOPLE for any length of time then you've no doubt read some articles by Yago. I know you'll find his insights on communication and influence thought provoking and challenging. You can find Yago on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear "Yes".

The Determination of the Illusionist

Have you ever seen an illusionist? Have you wondered how he’s capable of doing so many tricks? How is he capable of influencing the entire theatre?

That’s what we are going to discover together in this post. The determination of the illusionist is the most powerful tool of influence aside from his self-esteem. To be determined – to decide to do something and be convinced you’ll succeed – is the key! The tennis player “knows” the ball will be in before he hits it; the poker player “knows” he will win before the game begins; and the surgeon “knows” that everything will turn out well for the patient. The result doesn’t always matter because the most important thing is the will of the practitioner.

Let’s imagine together for a moment that we want to convince 200 people to put their arms up in the air. Well, you say, that’s easy because we’ve seen “persuaders” like Norma Barretta and Tony Robbins to do that many times. When they want people to put their arms in the air, they do it first! Okay, that’s a good explanation, but not good enough.

We have talked about our product to the crowd. We have explained all its attributes and advantages. We want people to approve the product by putting their arms up. There is no doubt your product is perfect. Can you feel it? Remember my article “Anti-Social Proof” where I said there are always one or more people who don’t like you? No matter what you say, no matter who you are, some people won’t like you, your opinions, or anything related to you. Why? No worries because it doesn’t matter! That’s just the way it is so, accept it right now and move on.

The people who don’t like you are like a “fifth column” of the public. Like a virus that inhibits what you display in the stage, these people don’t care what you say and they are your first “wall” so to speak. They are structural, always existing…but you can deal with it!

There is another group of people. These are the ones who hear what you say, like what you say, and even care about what you say, but they won’t lift a finger! You know those people? There are a lot of them around. They can’t decide anything because they are passive, always waiting for something else. And they “slow” the movement of the whole crowd. They are the “inertia” of the group that you have to break, the group you have to change. They are your second “wall.”

Wow, I have been talking about problems, limitations and “walls,” but how can we “take the castle”?

Well, if we do like Norma Barretta, talking about our product and when we ask for approbation, and we put our arms up in the air while we are ordering people to do that, what do you think happens? Yes, about 50% of the public puts up their arms. What about the rest? The rest don’t want to do that, or rather, they don’t know they want to do that.

But, as I wrote earlier, the most powerful tool of influence is the determination. So, what can you do? Well, if you want everyone to put their arms up, be determined. Wait. You are supposed to do it and you will do it!

Insist, smiling or shouting, but insist. Suddenly, you’ll see that another 30% put their arms in the air because it’s normal. They wanted to see that you really care. They needed to see you believe and that you have a high level of physical activity. Congratulations, because you’ve broken a big part of the second wall. You knew who they were and knew that they needed to be pushed a little.

Now, for the rest. If you insist, some of the rest will put their arms up. The group of “convinced” people is growing because social-proof (a.k.a. consensus) is growing every second. You are growing stronger and bigger but you’re still not there.

The most important thing is not to give power to the “fifth column” of people. Just reframe the group as resistant but not-yet-convinced. You see? Be calm, I know it’s not easy to resist the “failure” and you can feel it easily. But remember, determination. Determination, determination, determination!

And pride. You have to start showing a kind of pride. The fact is there are still people that haven’t been moved but this is a victory. You only see the ones who are convinced.

Let’s move them slowly but with energy. Make the not-yet-convinced to feel alone. Remember, you are a type of illusionist and your “trick” always succeeds because you've decided what it is!

At the end, there are only two or three people still in their chairs. Don’t worry because it’s normal, remember? We are surrounded by modern August Landmessers but it is okay because we understood that beforehand. So, we can predict the result and we get to define success.

If you have the determination you’ll move the masses, you will move the crowd. We have an impulse that makes us follow those who know, or makes us believe that they know, where they are going (authority). We have an impulse to move like the other when he moves decidedly (liking). We have an impulse to do what the others do (consensus). We have an impulse to do what the other insist to do (consistency). We have an impulse to continue doing what the other appreciate (reciprocity).

And you have the map, you know the rules, and have the determination. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it.

Yago de Marta
International Speech and Media training expert
www.yagodemarta.com

Coaches Aren't Just for Athletes

I was invited by Mike Figliuolo to write a guest post for his blog, thoughtLEADERS, this week. Mike's written several guest posts for Influence PEOPLE so I'm always happy to return the favor (reciprocity). The article focuses on the need for coaching to maximize each individual's performance in the business environment. I hope you enjoy the article.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Coaches Aren't Just for Athletes

I think you’ll agree with this statement; no athlete can reach their full potential without a great coach.

When you think of some of the greatest athletes quite often they’re synonymous with their coach. Michael Jordan had Phil Jackson, Tiger Woods started with Butch Harmon, and Mary Lou Retton worked with Bella Karolyi. None of them would have attained the greatness they did without the guidance and feedback from their coaches.

Why is it in business we think we can reach our full potential without coaching? Great leaders are not just visionaries, they coach. They help their people develop so they can succeed in their role and get ready for the opportunities that may come down the pike. Over the years I’ve heard many reasons and have listed a few of the most common below:

To to read the rest of this article at thoughtLEADERS click here.

The Role of Influence in the Markets

I’m willing to bet the majority of you reading this week’s post have seen the 1940s Christmas classic It’s a Wonderful Life which starred Jimmy Stewart as George Bailey. You know the story; George Bailey contemplates suicide on Christmas Eve because his building and loan business looks like it’s going to go under and he thinks the world would have been better off had he not been born. In the scene that leads to his despair there’s a run on his Building and Loan company and it nearly goes under. What’s clear in the movie was panic set in and more and more people wanted their money fearing they might not get it if they waited much longer.

We saw something similar in recent weeks in the stock and bond markets in the United States so I thought it would be good to look at some of the psychology behind what happened.

First there was the debt crisis. Americans and the world started getting very antsy as they watched the game of chicken played by President Obama and the democrats with House Speaker Boehner and the republicans. There was talk that an agreement might not be reached because the two sides have very different viewpoints on the role of government, the use of debt and how the economy best operates. The uncertainty lead to fear and as the old saying goes, “Perception is reality.”

The fear is rooted in scarcity, the principle of influence that tells us people want something more when they believe it will be less available. When investors think the government will make moves that could hurt their investments they will take actions to minimize their potential loss and quite often that means they sell while they can. The result of the uncertainty; the market lost several hundred points that week even though a deal was ultimately reached.

Unfortunately it went from bad to worse the following week! The market reacting to fears of a worldwide recession and not being too pleased the government compromise on the debt started another sell off. On Thursday, August 4, I recall looking at some news outlets during lunch and seeing the Dow Jones was down 350 points! By the end of the day it was down over 500 points which meant it had lost about 1000 points, or nearly 9% of its value, in just over a week. Not good for those of us saving for retirement and/or kid’s college!

While the run might have been sparked by fear it was compounded as investors looked around, took note of what others were doing and followed suit. In other words, consensus, the principle of influence that tells us people look to others for their cues on how to act, was at work. This particular principle is magnified in times of uncertainty and we saw something similar to what George Bailey was facing with the run on his little Building and Loan business.

By the end of the week, for the first time ever – including during the Great Depression – the United States bond credit rating was lowered from AAA to AA+ by Standard & Poor’s. This creates more uncertainty as investors are waiting to see how the other major credit rating bureaus will react. If they follow suit things could continue to snowball. However, if the other agencies express confidence in the U.S. government’s ability to meet its debt obligations and keep their AAA ratings things might even out some.

The White House vigorously contends S&P’s measurement that led to the lower rating was an inaccurate representation of the debt and government spending. Unfortunately, given all that’s gone on government officials may not have much credibility (authority) in this “he said, she said” back and forth that’s taking place.

Confidence is not something that can be measure like speed, strength or IQ. Confidence is a matter of perception and, as noted above, perception is quite often reality until something happens to change that reality. Consider this; no one thought a man could run a mile in less than four minutes. Many tried but all failed over the course of human existence. Even physicians began weighing in saying it was not humanly possible. However, all of that changed on May 6, 1954, when Roger Bannister finally broke the four minute barrier. Once he did it dozens of other runners did so in the ensuing months and years. In fact, just 46 days later, his new record was already history as John Landy set a new world record for the mile. Why all these sub four minute milers setting new records? Because all of a sudden people were confident it could be done. Their perception changed and so did reality.

It may not be the government’s doing something that will restore confidence, it might be key investment houses, individual investors or some other outside organization but until it happens we’ll all be like the myriads of runners prior to May 1954, a group of people who don’t believe it can be done.

P.S. The DJI fell more than 630 points as this post hit the internet!

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influence Tips for Running a Restaurant - Part 3

Here we are in the third part in a series of posts directed at those working in the restaurant industry. I believe the application of the principles of influence in an ethical manner can help restaurants, wait staff and customers in a win-win-win way.

A couple of weeks I wrote about a way for servers to garner more tips. I’ll talk about another thing servers can do to increase their take home pay. Believe it or not, something as simple as a mint causes many people to tip more. Many of you might be thinking you’d never tip more simply because you got a mint. Not everyone does but if some are moved to tip more just because they got a mint then isn’t it worth the effort?

In one study researchers found that servers giving a single mint to customers increased tips by more than 3%. But the investment of two mints did more than double that amount…it increased tips by 14%! That’s right; servers who regularly gave customers two mints saw their tips increase by 14% in the study. That takes no more effort than handing a single mint to each customer, so it’s the smart thing to do.

You may be wondering why this happens. Researchers believe it has to do with reciprocity. This principle of persuasion tells us people feel obligated to give back to those who’ve first given to them. The act of giving mints taps into this principle and people open their wallets a little wider and the more mints they were given the deeper they dug into their wallets.

As they say on some of the cheesy infomercials, “But wait, there’s more!” One more mint condition was tested. With a third group of servers they would give a single mint to patrons then start to walk away. However, they never got too far because they would suddenly wheel around and say something like, “You guys have been great,” and would give everyone another mint. Believe it or not, in this scenario the average tip was almost 25% higher than the control group! Like the group previously mentioned, it was only two mints per person but the fact that the giving was personal to that table was what really made the difference. Of course this tactic can’t be used on everyone because not all customers are great so it would be unethical, dare I say manipulative, to engage all customers that way. But there are some who are fun to wait on and if servers treat them in a special way when engaging reciprocity their tips should soar.

Next time you’re eating out and see mints somewhere near the door as you leave you’ll know that establishment is bungling away a chance to help the wait staff make a little more money and satisfy customers. Of course, the smart server will invest in their own bag of mints because they’ll be able to buy them in droves with all the extra cash they’ll have from their increased tips.

Next week we'll conclude this series with a final post on tips for those in the restaurant industry.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.